I was thinking how, next month, my entire life is going to be about sex. I'll be working in the sex industry, though not in the way most people think of women working in the sex industry. My relationship is based primarily on sex, which isn't a bad thing (although it might sound it). Sex seems to be all I pretty much talk or think about at the moment.

And all this is made all the weirder when I think that two and a half years ago, I wouldn't have cared if I never had sex again. That was how libidoless I was. It's scary.

C and I talked last night about how our relationship is based on sex (not exclusively, but it's a pretty big bias in that direction). You see, most people would think that's a bad thing, but I can't think of much else people like ourselves would base relationships on. Neither of us is interested in "future planning", marriage, kids, joint property ownership etc etc. What we want, and get out of, each other is friendship and great sex. It's a good deal... :-)

So, yeah. Not really sure what I'm getting at there.

I keep having paranoia flashes about my new job. Not about the job itself, but about the money. The middle-class white girl in me keep thinking "Shit! In a month you'll be earning �4k a year less than a bus driver. You'll no longer be in the ABC1 bracket!" It is a scary prospect... Everything we're taught about "bettering ourselves" involves the steady accumulation of money and stuff (and a spousal unit on the way there). And here's me, having trundled along the track so far, maybe with one wheel askew (the no marriage and no kids thing mainly), but now veering waaaay off course into the unknown.

I know I'm doing it for the right reasons, though. The closer it comes, the better I feel about it. I could have spent my career in IT, but I had never pictured myself "getting up the ladder" in IT. Not that it's what everyone "should" be aiming for, of course - but if I'd stayed in IT I would have remained a developer all my life, just taking work off the bosses and doing it and not getting the chance to be creative or offer my own input. Because I wouldn't want to. Because I just wasn't interested.

But out of IT, I can picture myself "going for it". I can picture myself being "something big" in media. OK, so I think a lot of this is conjecture; I've found myself getting all sorts of ideas about my new job when I haven't even started it yet, but... well, let's just say that this feels right, even if the middle-class, Surrey accented, privately educated, pony-riding lessoned, honours degreed, diploma-ed, nice girl in me keeps screaming about being 'poor'.

Damn, life is so good at the moment... :-)