Bizarrely, diaryland.com seems to be blocked from work, so for the last couple of weeks I've been emailing entries to myself and then putting them in dland in the evening. Which is why I haven't been

updating - or reading - very much.

Tonight I'm going out with KT after work, so I probably won't put this one up until long after Thursday afternoon (when I'm writing this).

I 'fessed up to KT yesterday about Bill & Ben. I had to - she was

stalling on coming out ("I'm not sure! I think I have a bug coming on!"), but after I told her I had some great gossip - and finally what that gossip was - she told me she was "feeling better all of a sudden" and that she would come out.

Ever get the feeling you're being used? Yeah. But the fact is, she's who I consider to be my best female friend (even if I'm not hers) so I still want to see her.

I told her that I badly need female company, and that I'm feeling like "one half of a couple" right now. I tried not to let it happen, but it seems many of my friends have assumed we're joined at the hip. But not all: tomorrow night I'm going out with my old old Uni friend CSD, which I'm really looking forward to.

C has started LiveJournaling, under the influence of this new girl, K. He wrote something similar to me on Monday in his journal, after my mild flip-out and our long talk. We're both scared, I think, of winding up no-friends losers. And the first thing we need to address is the issue of not being perceived as a two-headed couple-monster.

Anyhow.

I wrote a long response to the person who posted some recent comments in my guestbook (I wish I knew who you were - are you a dlander?). But I deleted it, because it's not important.

However, dominga, you're right on some counts: I over-analyze eveything, yes, and I wish I didn't. I wish I could just go with my gut instincts sometimes.

And maybe C isn't "the one" for me - but if you've read enough of me, you'll know that I'm not a person searching for "the one". C & I are totally honest with each other, and know that things are rarely forever. But the fact is: we've been good for each other, and we're still good for each other. We've both done things while together that I doubt we would have been comfortable enough to do with other people. I'm glad I met him and I'm glad I'm with him. If it doesn't "work out" (and by that I presume you mean we don't stay together "forever"), then so be it. The allure of the spinster is strong with me, you know that ;-)

But as for me being "so many men's sexual ideal" - heh, even if that is true, that doesn't necessarily mean that those men are MY sexual ideal. I'd rather choose partners based on how good a fit they are for me over how good a fit I am for them. Call me selfish ;-)

And gay bars? I don't want to go to them because I want to pick up bi men; I want to go to them because they're places where I can lech and drool over pretty boys on display. You don't get that in straight clubs. The only place I've ever seen male pole dancers (of the sort I like - not Chippendale types) was a gay bar ;-) I just want to go to gay bars to be a perv. It's not too much to ask, is it? :-)

Thanks for the comments, anyhow. It's nice to know someone's reading ;-)

I have one more thing to say.

I'M GOING TO HAVE THREE NAKED MEN IN MY BED ON SUNDAY AFTERNOON! THREE!!!

:-)