People have found my diary by searching for "two ton tits" (hehehe) and "ephebophile" (eeep!).

Yesterday I went to Oxford Street after work and got my sister some vouchers for her birthday (she's 31 on Sunday), then went down to D'Arblay Street and met C in Fish, where he was getting a haircut.

We were going to get food afterwards, but I was feeling spacey and tired, unable to focus my eyes properly, so we went home. We got as far as Victoria, and I began to feel exhausted and started whining (I hate it when I do that). After we got home, I found I had my period. Explains it all.

I didn't actually feel too bad after I'd sorted myself out, had some food and taken some painkillers. C & I had the mammoth task of cleaning the kitchen - it hadn't been done for about 2 weeks (I know - ick). I have a real thing about C standing at the sink wearing yellow rubber washing-up gloves, so I decided to pull down his trousers and thong (that was a nice surprise!!) and molest him while he was doing the dishes. When the draining board got full of clean dishes, I stopped playing with him, dried up the dishes, then spent about five minutes whipping his butt with the damp tea-towel. His butt and the top of his legs went a pleasing shade of pink.

He & I never thought we'd be into any sort of pain play, but after that C suggested that we buy some sort of "beating implement". In the meantime, I'm quite happy to practise with a damp dishcloth ;-)

While we were putting away the dishes, I told C that I'm really pleased he did what he did last Thursday night. OK, so I'm still jealous, but I'm otherwise happy about it. And I'm really pleased we've finally started the "sleeping with other people thing" (or at least he has) after starting the process in January.

Later on we had a session with the strap-on. My favourite position: a sort of missionary, him on his back with his legs in the air; me kneeling and fucking him and wanking him at the same time. He came hard and was super-snuggly afterwards; but again I felt there was something missing. At one point, when I was fucking him, I thought that if I only had some sort of clit stimulation, I'd be able to come fairly easily, given the headrush I feel when doing it. I should have got myself off afterwards, or asked C to do it, but it seemed a bit pointless because what I want to do is come during. A guy can come from fucking someone; hell, I can too. All I need is the right equipment. A trip to Sh! is in order, I guess.

After posting to some newsgroups with questions about strap-on sex, I've noticed that there seems to be a theme along the lines of, when a woman fucks a man with a strap-on, she's dominating him / humiliating him / making him into a woman. That's one thing I don't relate to. If me fucking him is all about me dominating him, then doesn't that mean that him fucking me is about him dominating me? I don't think so. Not unless I want it to be about that.

I'm also not picturing myself as a man and him a woman; rather I'm just trying to get as close as possible to experiencing a penis I wasn't born with. I'm still a woman. That probably doesn't make much sense, but *shrug*. That's the way I feel about it. I don't think me fucking him is anything to do with me "becoming" a man, or femdom; or him being a sissy or submissive, or "playing a woman".

Anyhow. I have had it suggested to me quite a few times now - including by C - that if I want to pay someone to fuck them, I should go with a woman. I don't go out of my way to make my life difficult, honest, and I realise this would probably be a simple suggestion (although I doubt that even a female pro would approach me in Sainsbury's with an offer of �20 sex), but it doesn't appeal. My excuse is that I don't fancy women, but C has countered this by saying that he doesn't fancy men either, but he still wants to fuck them. I don't want to fuck women either. I don't know - I can appreciate that women look nice, but I don't find them attractive. And I look at naked women all day.

When C mentioned it again the other night, I checked to make sure he wasn't asking me just because he wants to get off on the idea of me being with another woman. He says that's not what he means at all. Of course, this makes me feel like a bit of a hypocrite, because he knows that I enjoy the idea of him being with another guy (whether I get to see it or not).

On a related note, I've never got the idea that woman-on-woman sex is superior because "women know what women want". Sorry, but I don't have a clue what turns the next woman on. Stop press: we're all different!

Case in point: I have just been downstairs to the charity snack box with 50p in my hand, looked over each and every chocolate bar, and come back upstairs empty-handed because I don't really want any of them. Weird.