I am quite phenomenally hacked off with my job now. My levels of dissatisfaction come and go, but right now I'm at the "dreading getting up in the morning" stage. I can mostly link this to the time of the month and how much work I've had dumped on me.

When I have one or two projects on the go, and they're new things I haven't done before, then I'm happy. When I have three or four active project to juggle, and they're all things I've done a million fucking times before and they're just the same repetitive shit but for a different mobile operator, then I get bored and frustrated and feel dumped on. And worse, there's very little support here since everyone is in the same position, since we keep haemorrhaging developers and they're not replaced. I have problems with one of my most important projects at the moment, and I haven't been able to get a senior developer to help me because they're all too busy.

Feh, I should quit whining and wasting time and get on with my work. But when you've reached a certain point it's hard to motivate yourself to keep struggling onwards, you know?

I had been planning on hanging on here until after Christmas (thereby snaffling any Christmas bonus they deign to give me) and then looking for another job. But from my recent perusings of all the big job sites, I can tell that the market is extremely dead. Even C, with his 6 years' IT experience and relevant qualifications can't find a job, so what hope have I got, with 3 years' experience and not even a relevant A-level to my name? And really really niche core skills, at that. So niche, that most recruitment agents haven't heard of them either... Is it just me, or are most IT recruiters so not up to the job? Most of them think that Javascript is Java, that XSL is something to do with Excel, and keep asking me how much COBOL I know (does it say COBOL on my CV? No it does not).

I am still picking my way slowly through What Color is your Parachute, trying to identify that elusive "thing I really want to do with my life". It's still eluding me, but I'll keep on scribbling in the margins and filling out quizzes until it (hopefully) does. So far, I keep coming back to "Yeah, but I really want to work in the adult industry". But I have yet to identify what I could bring to that particular industry though, any more than the average slavering wannabe could bring to it.

Amusingly, the book suggests that if you want to move industry, you should seek out a job club that could find you contacts within that industry. And if you can't find a job club, you should try setting one up yourself - 'consulting your Rabbi, Priest or other community leader for help'. Yes, I can see it now: "Excuse me Reverend, could you help me get into porn?". Like that's gonna work.

Actually... nah, I'm not going to follow that train of thought.

Anyway. I was thinking yesterday that there was something I left out of my entry... And that is, that I was pleasantly surprised by the standard of male talent in The Private Gladiator. I had always expected most male porn stars to be of the Ron Jeremy / Rocco Siffredi mould, but the star of The Private Gladiator, Toni Ribas, is actually quite a hottie. Regarde:

Not bad. Ron Jeremy pretty much epitomises all I think is unattractive, so to see a cute guy in a porn movie - especially after seeing Debbie Does Dallas, in which all the guys were not cute - was nice. Better than nice. I'm unable to find an appropriate adjective, but you'll just have to take my word for it.

I was also thinking yesterday how it's only a month until Christmas. I normally dread Christmas, but since I'm not spending it with my family this year, I'm sort of looking forward to it. However, my continuing financial crappiness is a slight black spot on the horizon. I have - somehow - managed to save �220 for presents, which will just about cover gifts for mum, dad, sister, half-brother, half-brother's wife (a.k.a. half-sister-in-law), nephews (19, 12) and niece (15). I have already bought KT's present, and C & I are buying stuff together rather than giving gifts. Thank fuck I have no aunts, uncles, grandparents or cousins. Small families are so much easier to manage. I may yet survive into the new year with all my bills paid (fingers crossed), and if I get a decent enough bonus (fingers crossed), I might be able to pay off some of my overdraft (fingers crossed). Hurrah.

I am just praying that the housing market doesn't collapse - as they were saying it might in the papers yesterday - since I have literally all my money tied up in those 400²ft of inner London property goodness.

Speaking of which, my recent endeavours to get a credit card (all applications denied) or some other form of emergency credit have made me wonder how the hell my mortgage broker got me that mortgage. The only explanation I can think of is that he actually sold my soul to Satan for �79,000. Which isn't a bad deal, if you think about it, because there was no way I was getting into heaven anyway.