Soooo.... When C and I were discussing fantasies on Tuesday night, he mentioned that a fantasy I have, to be fucked by two (or more) guys at once, will probably come true in the future if he has anything to do with it.

He's quite keen on the idea, and knows I've had the fantasy for ages. Personally, while I do find the idea very hot, I've never really thought about it coming true. He & I still have a long way to go yet, before we start inviting third parties over for the evening, and even if we did I'm not sure I would want it to happen.

Or would I?

You see, I'm not sure why I'm "not sure" about the fantasy coming true. Some part of me says I'm not sure how I could handle it 'emotionally', but I suspect this isn't coming from me. I think it's just coming from indoctrinated ideas about how threesomes (can) 'destroy' relationships, monogamy, and what "nice girls" do and don't do.

The fact is, when I was single I did a lot of things that people might describe as "difficult to cope with emotionally", and I never considered for a moment that they might affect me. And they didn't (and still don't). I see the work colleage I had a one-night stand with, every day at work, and we're great mates who have a laugh. In all honesty, our connection is all the stronger for that "naughty secret" we share. Similarly, the episode with the guy I met up with purely for sex didn't affect me emotionally at all. I don't regret anything I did one bit.

I think it's just that now I'm in a serious relationship (or one that feels very serious at least), I seem to be letting something tell me I shouldn't want to be doing those kind of things, or that things that previously didn't fuck me up emotionally will fuck me up now. Which is daft, really.

I told this to C, that something is telling me that I might be adversely affected if I carry out that fantasy. He told me he didn't think I would, that he doesn't think I'm like that.

I think he's right. I think I'm just letting some sort of stupid social mantra affect me. After all, it's not as if we're not both totally open about what we want, and it's not as if one of us is unwilling.

I just know I'm going to get some responses to this saying that I shouldn't go through with this if I'm not entirely sure. In all honesty, I think I'm still slightly reeling from the delightful surprise that is having found someone who I can even share such fantasies with. And in any case, we're not going to be carrying out anything, if at all, for a long time yet. We haven't even hit the 6 month mark and we're still having plenty of fun with each other. And it's made that fantasy all the more exciting, because we've talked about the possibility of it actually happening :-)

We do, however, enjoy browsing the personal ads that come with Desire magazine, and picking out people we like the look of :-)

Oh, there's one more thing... I'm going to be putting less crap about my "real life" in here, and keeping it more for sex talk. That was my original intention for this diary, and I've kind of strayed from that.

I've been fixing up my website over the last week or so, got Blogger pointing at it, so I'll probably put the non-sex life stuff on there. I'm not going to link this diary with my domain, though, because I don't really want to associate the "real me" with here so much.

If you don't know what my domain is, and want to keep reading all my waffly crap about how much I hate my job, or how many lbs I weigh this week, email or gb or note me and I'll let you know where I'm at.