Another night, another late-night phone call. I hate them. They make me wake up in a panic, thinking that the world is ending, someone's died, we've gone to war etc.

After I'd leapt out of bed in horror and stumbled around in the dark trying to find the phone (kicking the cat in the process), it turned out to be my hun. Not unexpected: I'd asked him to call before he went to sleep. I'd managed to fall asleep waiting for him to call.

He'd just got back from having dinner with his XW. I didn't ask how it went, I don't like to pry... I'm curious as ever though. Apparently the other guys at the company he's contracting for (with whom he used to work full-time) are miserable. In order to keep their jobs and for the company to survive, they've had to take huge pay cuts and sign letters acknowledging that they won't bitch about missed benefits etc. What a sucky situation. I've been there done that myself and it bites.

Anyhow.

Talking of exes... Mine has been pestering me (gently!) for a while about going for a beer. We used to go for a drink every month or so, just to catch up. Since C moved down here I've hardly seen anyone (bad!). It's my ex's birthday on the 29th December, so I ought to see him sometime. However, I almost feel like I should ask C if he's OK with it, which is daft.

The other thing is, the last couple of times I've seen him I've felt awkward around him, as if something inside me is going "Jesus fucking Christ, how the hell did you sleep with this guy for nearly five years?? EEEEWWW!". I totally don't fancy him any more. I can't really see what I did fancy about him. Sure, he's good looking (he bears more than a passing resemblance to Noah Wyle and likes to play that up), but... ergh, no sex appeal at all.

Funny how things like that work. I'm sure he'd say the same of me if he knew what I got up to "in the bedroom" these days. He's so vanilla he'd make a Catholic housewife snigger.

Hmmm. Maybe I'll just send him a card. I'm not sure I can be bothered to see him, which is awful because he was a close friend and my boyfriend for years and I wanted to keep in touch. Maybe in the New Year when C & I have settled down a bit (eep!).

And talking of friends...

I have one close "real life" female friend. At one point I would have said we were best friends. Sadly, I'm not sure we are any more.

I was supposed to see KT on Sunday for lunch or dinner. I "booked" her 8 days in advance so that it would definitely happen.

On Saturday night, she sent me a text saying that she couldn't make it and that she'd call on Sunday to explain. On Monday she emailed me, and explained: she said she couldn't have made it because she got stuck in engineering works on the train from Brighton to London on Sunday morning, and by the time she got home (in London) she was pissed off and didn't think she'd be good company.

I wonder how she knew that would happen when she SMSed me on Saturday night? Ever get the feeling you're being fobbed off?

:-(

Ho hum. I find it really hard to make female friends, and KT and I have known each other since October 1996; I thought we were good mates. Maybe it's just a mistake, but still. I feel fibbed to. It sucks.

Moan moan moan. I'm going to make coffee.