Whoa. So this morning I was so miserable when I woke up that I started crying (in the way I do, the "No! I'm not crying, honestly I'm not!" *shnoooort* kind of way). My sweetie was a true sweetie and walked me home from his place and made me coffee and fed the cat while I had a shower. I'm all cheered up now, thanks to him and Jerry putting on her cutest act (much woodgie-cooing ensues).

I was also late for work, but who gives a toss? Only 3 more days here and I'm off!! And tonight I'm going for drinks with my old line manager and another ex-colleague. Can't wait.

The main this that set me off this morning was tiredness. I went over to KT's house last night, and we had a curry and a bottle of Grenache and did face packs and sat around talking about our usual subjects: sex, 'bottom' sex (his 'n' hers), cocks we've known, more sex, and - the eternal question - is it better being happily single or being in a relationship? Then we sat there and sighed wistfully for those times when we were single and our lives were so much simpler. And every weekend involved going out on the pull. Aaah!

I left her house (in Stratford) at 10.15pm and made it back to C's at 11.30pm. I went to bed straight away, but didn't get to sleep for a while . Then C woke me up around 5.30am. So when the alarm went off at 7am, I was feeling like shit, and feeling even more shit because I didn't sleep so well on Monday night, and I won't be sleeping much tonight. I hate waking up tired, knowing I can't get an early night that night. It makes me... miserable.

So that, plus Xmas stress, plus work stress, plus family stress = me crying before 8am. Only 8 more days to go and at least one of those stresses will be gone! I fucking hate Christmas!!&*!@!

And like I said, I thought I'd enjoy this one because it's my first Xmas away from the parental shackles, but no. I still feel the same old blackness. KT remarked last night that ever since she's known me, I've been down at Christmas. It's so true. I doubt I'll ever enjoy it, because each one just has the black memories of previous ones. And Christmas is all about family, and for me "family" = arguments and stress. Blah.

Anyhow.

I've had 2 presents already! KT gave me one last night - an encyclopaedia of unusual sexual practices. She knows me so well - I love reference and non-fiction books! She also got me a maribou-trimmed thong that will be perfect for when I finally begin my stripping career.

And this morning, I checked my email and found that C had bought me a subscription to Salon premium! Yay! That is truly a top present! :-)

So while single life may be vastly simpler and rollercoaster-emotion free, I guess having a bloke who knows just how to yank me out of black moods (which I don't recall having when I was single... or maybe that's just my rose-tinted rear-view mirror talking) is a good thing.

I realised the other day that it's now less than a month until I'm 26. Godammit. I suppose I'd better get my porn/stripping/whatever career started before it all starts to sag even more than it already has. I want to shift those last 6lbs before C's birthday in February, so when we go to the strip club (finally!) I'm looking fiiiine. Already have my 34E Wonderbra on hand. Granted, wearing it leaves me deaf because my tits wind up around my ears, but that's all part of the effect. Roll on the New Year!

Mwahaha! My pink-haired colleague just came over to my desk and asked me to bunk off work with her so we can go shopping in Camden. You fucking bet I can. My day just got heaps better!!!