Back to work today. Aaargh! I am totally unmotivated, but I have stacks to do. I envision a month of late nights in the office *joy*.

This morning, I've had a succession of guys walk past my desk, stop, turn around, walk back and say "Have you done something to your hair?". Aaah, bless 'em. They do have eyes, after all!

I have been thinking (and talking) some more about the "other people" thing. Weezil's entry in my guestbook kinda bought it home too. I have been wondering how my 'body image' will fare at Secrets, especially considering that the girls there are guaranteed to be taller, slimmer and prettier than me (but I doubt that they'll have The Rack^TM ;-) Something in me tells me I should be bothered, but I don't think I am. I guess my body image must be better than I thought. I can't see myself burning with jealousy over a dancer's flatter stomach or longer legs or firmer body. I'm going there for higher reasons ;-)

I think the fact that I will be paying will help, too (and on that note: Weezil, can you let me know how much a dance costs - roughly - so I have a realistic amount of the green stuff on me on the night!!). When C and I discussed "things" the other night, I said that I'd probably be more comfortable - if there was another woman involved - paying for another woman to play with. It would make me feel more "in control" of the situation. Spot the girl with the money-power issues ;-)

As for other guys, I said to C that I'd rather it was a guy we at least vaguely knew. My internal reasoning for this is that I don't want to be viewed as a fuck object by anyone, and I can imagine that bringing in another guy to fulfil that two-cocks-at-once fantasy who doesn't know me would make me feel that way. The reason I so enjoy occasionally just being given a "good seeing to" by C is that I know I can reciprocate at some point in the future. And while I wouldn't necessarily want to give Random Bloke X a good stuffing myself, I'd definitely feel more comfortable if he at least knew and appreciated that I'm switchy.

On the subject of paying, I'm still mildly tweaked by the idea of paying a guy. But most male escorts are selling a muscle-bound macho hunk fantasy, and that is SO not what I'd be into. Urgh! A lot of the single guy ads in Desire are like that - of the "Ladies, let a real man show you the ultimate pleasure" variety. Barf. I would imagine a guy like that would run screaming out of the postal district if I even mentioned that I own a strap-on.

But still. I have a real thing about the idea of paying for sex. Maybe paying for C's lapdances will sate it a little. Maybe not. I like the idea of paying a boy for access to his body. I think if I were a regular (i.e. male) punter, I'd probably be of the nastier kind, expecting all sorts and total compliance because I've paid. Hmm, not a nice thing to say about oneself, really, but true. Oooh, issues!

Anyhow. Today, I start my diet. Big time. I want to be a significant amount svelter and fitter before February 14th, but knowing how slowly I lost weight before (about 1-2lbs a month) I don't hold out much hope. C and I agreed that if we're going to get involved with other people at all, we're going to need to be a little more attractive.

Hmm, I am wary of us becoming one of those icky couples you see at Hedonism: all late-40s, leathery tanned skin and creepy attitude. Yikes!