Regarding insecurity: it would be daft to think that you could "do" an open relationship without feeling insecure and/or jealous sometimes. There's a whole load of good stuff in The Ethical Slut about just these issues - and as I've said before, I think everyone who's in a relationship should read it because it offers a lot of good advice.

I'm completely expecting myself to spend the first evening C sleeps with someone else, chewing my fingernails and wondering what he's up to. But I'm not going to let that make me stop him from doing what he has to do; and I plan to arrange something fun for myself that evening, something to treat myself :-) I know what it was like to be in a monogamous relationship and wonder what it's like to be with other people - it ate me up and destroyed my relationship with my ex. Fortunately. Fortunately because we weren't right for each other, because I could never have vocalised those feelings to him. But I can vocalise them to C.

There's a telling passage in The Ethical Slut that notes how, when an open relationship breaks down, most people blame the "open" aspect of things. But monogamous relationships break down all the time, and nobody steps forward to question whether monogamy is 'right'. Personally, I think it's all horses for courses - it might fit some, it won't fit others.

Yesterday someone answered one of my personal ads, someone who sounds sort of promising. C told me that he felt jealous, but excited at the same time. I know exactly how he feels, because I feel that way too. It actually feels pretty good to me.

Later on, I got another response to another ad, the ad that states that I prefer guys who exfoliate and who don't blanch at the thought of eye-liner (not surprisingly, this ad has had very few responses). Well, the response I had was from a bisexual man who's looking for a girlfriend who doesn't mind him going out to gay clubs once in a while.

Despite my protestations, C has told me that I'm not allowed two boyfriends. But it would be so good - one for each arm! Boo!

I have written back to this guy, telling him that I'm not single but that I'm always up for meeting cool-sounding people like him. And then C and I had a discussion about how a threesome for us would be miles better if it was with a bi guy, rather than a straight man. Heh, it's a bit unfair on the advert respondent, that we're already projecting our desires on him... ;-) Well, nothing may come of it, who knows?

And then after that, we went to bed and I gave C a good seeing to... It has to be said that talking / thinking about other people has added a new aspect to our fucking. And seeing his big happy grin below me as I bang his brains out makes me a very happy person indeed :-)