Well, I haven't had my exit interview, handover, or anything yet. I was still making major code submissions at 6pm yesterday. Do I care? Nope. I don't like being the centre of attention at work, though.

As I've mentioned before, I won't be celebrating Valentine's Day for the foreseeable future, because it's C's birthday. He has some funky shit going on with V-Day falling on his birthday - stuff I don't want to go into here - so out of respect I'm not mentioning (again!) anything about getting a V-Day present. I was only joking before, honest ;-)

TBH, I'm glad it's his birthday, because at least now I have something else to focus on on the 14th February. Otherwise, I'd probably be remembering that it was mine & my ex's anniversary, and that this year would have been our sixth. Yipes. That's a kind of long-termness I don't even want to think about. Who knows what we would be doing now? Probably the usual - being each other's 'best' friend, not having sex, letting that resentment build up even more...

He sent me a text on my birthday, and I haven't got round to replying yet (that's just over a month - oops). I really need to make the effort to go for a beer with him. I feel bad that I've not kept up the contact.

I have to admit that I don't like Valentine's Day because it's usually been a bit shitty for me. Up until I was 20, I never got anything on V-Day. Then I met my ex, and we started going out "officially" on Feb 14th (after being mates-who-shagged for ages). That was a good one. Then on our first anniversary, I got upset because 2 of my male friends sent me cards, but he didn't. And I thought one of the cards was from him. So when I found out it wasn't, I was mortified and embarrassed.

The following year was great, because he unproposed to me in a restaurant. He'd given me a bracelet, and decided to put it on me. Of course, everyone else in the restaurant thought he was bending down in front of me to propose, and turned round to look at us. So we very loudly said "Will you never ever marry me?". That gave the nosy gits a shock. After that, we unproposed to each other every anniversary, which was really sweet :-)

Last year I went to a "strictly no couples" party at a friend's house for V-Day. The host was thoroughly miserable that he was unattached on February 14th, which is one of the reasons I dislike it. People are already made to feel like 'failures' enough when they're "on their own", and I really hate that. Blah. I'm not going to go into another tirade about how I hate that romantic love & relationships are placed above all others in they eyes of "society"; how we're made to feel like freaks if we don't pair up etc etc. You all already know how I feel about that.

Dammit, now I probably sound like some sort of bitter old spinster. Proud spinster I am, but I'm not the other two.

I think things like this make me worry about how C & I are going to be when he moves into my place. I really don't want us to become this two-headed entity; I'm already trying my damnedest to avoid any smug-couple-ness. Yesterday I caught myself thinking about "our financial situation" which scared me - I never thought about "our financial situation" with my ex, even though we were renting a flat together.

Scary times.

I haven't told anyone about us moving in together yet (other than a friend who phoned me by surprise the other evening). I should tell KT, really. I'm not sure what she'll think, but at least she'll understand that we're doing it for financial reasons. Unlike my mum.

Something else I didn't mention. C told his XW about us moving in together, and she's fine with it. Well, to a certain extent. C told her that he was putting his furniture in storage, in case he wanted it later (when he can afford his own place again in future). Apparently she now thinks I'm 'heartless' because we're not thinking in "permanent" terms. And I'm already 'weird' because I don't want kids (she found out after someone told her C & I met on an "anti-kid website", which we didn't).

Oh, I dunno. I shouldn't care what people think of me, but sometimes it's hard to ignore it, you know?

So that depressed me when I found it out on Friday. I'm not heartless or cruel or weird or some sort of man- and kid-hating Nazi, I'm just choosing to live my life a little off the oft-trodden path, OK?

Right, enough rantyness, I am off to enjoy the rest of my last day.