Friday 14th February - my sweetie's birthday. And Secrets.

We almost didn't go: I woke up in the early hours of Friday morning in huge amounts of pain. I'd got my period, and this month it's been wall-punching agony. But I took it easy as much as I could during the day (bar nipping out with C to go to Richer Sounds and Fopp for a DVD player - present from his XW and parents - and some DVDs).

We decided not to go out until late, giving us time to have a glass of wine to steady our nerves, and get ready. I wore the shorter of the two dresses I bought the other week, and my Wonderbra. Mega cleavage. Black pointy stilettos. C wore a smart shirt and trousers.

I called a minicab to pick us up just after 11pm, and we arrived at Secrets just before 11.30.

Weird moment of the night: the bouncers showed us in the door, and I said "Hello" to the receptionist. She said hello back but didn't look up from her magazine. We stood there for about a minute, fidgeting awkwardly. Then one of the bouncers came in to the reception and told her that there were customers waiting. I'm guessing that she heard a female voice and assumed I was there to work. No matter.

I handed over my free invite and we went in. The waiter showed us to a corner table with a decent view of the stage. The two-for-one dances were just beginning, and just after I ordered a bottle of wine, a blone girl called Tabitha came over to our table and asked if we wanted a dance.

C and I hadn't been planning on getting a dance so soon, but since it was 2-for-1, we decided to go for it. Tabitha was, I guess, a "bit of posh" - private school accent, cute face, long blonde hair. She danced for C while I dealt with the waiter and paid for the wine. It was very very weird - but cool - sitting there while a naked woman was waving her crotch in my boyfriend's face.

I wasn't really sure what to expect from the dances, but I guess they were more explicit than I was expecting. After the dance, Tabitha sat down with us and chatted. We told her that this was our first time in a lapdancing club, and Tabitha complimented C on how 'well-behaved' he had been.

After a while she went and we watched the stage show. Over the next hour or so, two dancers came and sat at our table - a black girl called Honey, who had only been at Secrets for two days; and a stunning 6' tall black girl called Danielle. They asked us if we wanted a dance, and we said maybe later.

C also chatted to a girl called Nikki while I was in the ladies' room (which, not surprisingly, was a hole compared to the gents'); and I chatted to another dancer called Vanessa, who was sitting with the guys at the next table.

Later on, the two-for-one dances came round again, and as the girls came back onto the floor we asked Danielle to join us. I sat next to C on his seat, and she danced for both of us. It was a bizarre experience. I wasn't turned on by her, but I was turned on by the fact that I was sitting there with my boyfriend, and he was turned on. We were also attracting quite a lot of attention from the men at the tables next to and opposite us.

After she'd danced, Danielle sat and talked to us. This was one of the weirdest things: all the girls were lovely and friendly. Danielle and I talked about being either very tall or very short, and she told me that she couldn't live without Topshop and their longer length trousers. It was bizarre that I was sitting here talking to a girl as if she was a girlie pal, but a few minutes earlier she'd been sticking her ass in my face!

She also said how cool it was that were were at the club together, and that we were so open-minded. And then she complimented me on how I looked, and on my cleavage. You know you're doing something right when an exotic dancer tells you she's jealous of your breasts!! (There was no-one there who even approached my size, which isn't surprising, given they were all on the slimmer side).

Later on, we decided that we wanted Honey to come back and dance for us, so we asked the waiter to bring her to our table. She was wearing a really cute PVC halterneck dress which I loved, and she danced for both of us. Afterwards she was all giggly and was very flattered that we'd requested her.

By about 1.45am, we were both very drunk (with me on a lot of painkillers) and thoroughly enjoying ourselves. We'd been chatting to Vanessa, a petite French girl who was dancing for the guys at the next table, on and off all night. We decided to get one last dance from her before the club closed at 2am.

All in all, it was fantastic. The club was very non-sleazy, the girls were friendly and chatty to me (I was half-expecting them to be bitchy and nasty to me), and they were all gorgeous. But I didn't once feel jealous of them, of their great bodies or the fact that they were waving their tits on my boyfriend's face. And they made me feel good by asking if I'd ever considered becoming a dancer, by telling me I looked good, and by complimenting us on how open-minded we were. OK, so to them it's business, and they may not have meant anything they said, but they left both of us feeling a million dollars. I can see why men can wind up dropping hunderds of pounds in those clubs every week - I think I would if I had the cash.

As for the dancing being a turn-on - well, I found it exciting, and the dancers' bodies were beautiful, but I didn't find them attractive. But I found the experience a turn-on: walking around in a beautiful dress and shoes, having a lot of people looking at me and wondering what I was doing there. I could definitely get used to that ;-)

The only downsides were the thing with the receptionist, the dreadful ladies' toilets (not unexpected really), and the slightly sleazy attitude of the men at the next table (who offered me �200 to go home with them at the end of the night!). But overall, it was great. Shame I can't afford it again in the near future! :-)