Did I mention that before my ultrasound at 4pm today, I have to drink 3 pints of water? I have elected to take a taxi from work to the clinic (which will cost me a fortune), because I don't fancy struggling for an hour on public transport while I'm dying for a wee.

And I'm guessing I'll have to sit in a waiting room full of pregnant women. The last time I had an ultrasound, I was 15, and I remember sitting in the waiting room with a bunch of pregnant women. The looks I got from them! I'm sure they were all thinking "You dirty schoolgirl slut!" (I was wearing my school uniform). I felt like standing up and shouting "I'm not pregnant!!! I have gynaecological problems!!".

Today, if anyone asks me how many weeks pregnant I am, I'm going to smile and say "None, hopefully" and carry on reading my copy of Gay Times. I'm not going to try to strike up conversation or anything.

I'm also going to ask the ultrasound person if I can get a 'photo' of my Filshie clips, in the same way expectant parents get ultrasound photos of their babies-to-be. How cool would that be? "And this is how they look at 26 months gestation - look, you can see their little hinges! Aaaw!".

Yes, I did say Gay Times. I picked up a copy of it last night when C was buying chocolate on the way home (I think he's caught my PMS). I bought it specifically because it has an article about gay men working in the sex industry (and I work in the sex industry, so...). However, I've found it's a great and fascinating mag. Not only is it filled cover-to-cover with the cutest guys, there are also adverts for not-normal-relationship-friendly services, like solicitors etc. I haven't got my will done yet, but I think I'll do it now I have numbers for solicitors who specialise in domestic-partner-type arrangements. I'm sick of asking questions about such things on 'regular' relationship boards and just having people ask me "Why don't you just get married?".

After I'd read the magazine I got jealous. C saw an ad for a gay sauna near us, and I think it would be cool to go - only I can't. There are all these cool things he could get involved in, but where I most likely wouldn't be welcome. Plus, there were reviews of gay and lesbian porn, and it makes me realise that no-one out there is making porn for straight women. You can't buy a good, tasteful mag full of pics of cute naked guys aimed at women (For Women doesn't count - it's shitty). We're all expected to be marriage- and baby-fixated minions of Gucci, and women's magazines only cater to that.

Of course, after I'd had my little rant, C reminded me that I'm probably going to be in a position to do something about it sometime in the near future. Which is true. And which is pretty cool.

So I'm going to keep buying Gay Times. And if any of the women in the waiting room object to me reading it there, I'll tell them to kiss my porno-producing ass.

PS There was an interview in the magazine with Turin Brakes, in which the interviewer makes a big deal of how cute they are. Seems I'm not the only one with the Ollie-sucks-Gale's-cock fantasy ;-)