So this morning I was in tears before I left for work, and in tears on the 239 bus to Victoria. It seems that every time I get to a good place, that I have something fun and exciting and new going on, my body rebels against me and says "Nope, sorry, I can't let you have fun, I have to fuck things up for you".

I don't want to say what it is, it's too private and embarassing. But on C's insistence this morning I phoned my doctor's surgery and I have an appointment for 9am tomorrow. I'll be late for work, and I don't want to tell them why - I'm constantly terrified that I'm going to be fired for being a sickly person (which I wasn't before I started this job). I'll just make up some excuse about the tube being fucked.

I feel pretty hopeless. Like this is it now, for the rest of my life, like my mum, constantly with something wrong with her. C told me not to be so doom and gloom, but that's the way I feel. I start a great new job - I get endometriosis. I have a hot date with two guys - I get my period. I make a repeat date with said two hot guys - I get this, and I have no idea if it'll be fixed by the 25th May. I don't want to reschedule because I want this to happen.Stupid stupid stupid fucking shitey crappy malfunctioning body!*&(!@*%!$^!!!!

I want to sit behind my computer and sink deeper into the funk, but I have to go downstairs and film a blowjob race. Fucking hell.